Confession 44

I once toilet papered every house and apartment in my whole ward in one night.

Confession 43

There's a church back home that I vandalize every time I go. It's just so much fun to rearrange the letters on the sign. I mean, when it says "measure yourself by what's inside," don't you automatically want to pull letters from the back and add "your pants?"

Confession 42

I have the rare skin disease called dermographia.

Confession 41

I once almost died doing a chinese firedrill on the freeway.

Confession 40

I've been kicked out of an all-you-can-eat restaurant for eating too much.

Confession 39

I know a LOT of dead baby jokes. And I think they're hilarious.

Confession 38

In boy scouts, I once caught a seagull with a piece of bread on a fishhook. You should have seen him flying around and around in a circle at the end of the line as we gradually gave him more slack.

Confession 37

I got an 8.3 on HotOrNot.

Confession 36

I once sabotaged a video game machine by putting trash into it. In the end it broke completely. I really did have good intentions, though.

Confession 35

I think I buy more clothes more often than I do laundry.

Confession 34

I once toilet-papered a Chuck E. Cheese's. The police caught us on the security camera and made us go back and clean it all up.

Confession 33 1/3

I had a third set of teeth.

Confessions 31 and 32

Well, I missed yesterday, so two in one today:

I once worked at Hot Dog on a Stick.

And I got fired.

Confession 30

I pooped my pants about a year ago on my way home from work.

Confession 29?

You asked for it, you got it. I aim to please. Just be aware that this totally gets my goat to be reminded of the glory days.

I have a full floral tea set with the most adorable little gravy boat and candy dish and everything.

The Last Confession

I had so many more planned, too.

I got deleted from the Board today. It was my fault.

Confession 27

I was quarantined for three months during the tenth grade.

Confession 26

I got most of my clothes out of that dumpster at Raintree Apartments that's for donations to D.I.

Confession 25

I got kicked out of Walmart last night by a manager so I wouldn't "make a mess."

Confession 24

There's inbreeding on my dad's side of the family.

Confession 23

I have urinated out of the back of a moving vehicle, unbeknownst to the driver.

Confession 22

Okay, I guess a better confession is that this is the first time in several years that I've intentionally missed FHE. Man, I didn't realize how lame I am.

Confession 21

I skipped FHE tonight because I don't like it this semester.