Confession 20

I once accidentally left a cup of my urine on the bookshelf at a friend's house for over a month.

Confession 19

I've gotten the bread for the sacrament from the dumpster behind the Provo Bakery. Several times.

Confession 18

I don't think babies are particularly cute.

Confession 17

In September, my friend Wicket and I climbed on top of Little Caesar's on 9th and unscrewed their cable connection as a practical joke on them.

Confession 16

I posted those comments as the Drama Queen on my own blog just to throw people off.

Confession 15

Doctors suspect I have porphyria, the vampire disease.

Confession 14

My friend Leslie and I ate a salad that I found in a bus stop in downtown San Fransisco at midnight. It was really good, actually. We just hope it didn't have AIDS in it.

Confession 13

Last summer I toilet papered an old handicapped woman's house, including her wheelchair ramp and her handicapped parking sign. We used 150 rolls!

Confession 12

I don't like to read my scriptures.

Confession 11

I really am the Drama Queen, as well as the Confessor.

Confession 10

Right after my parents' divorce, we had to give up our dog. Ironically, the only person who would take him was the lady who had just taken our dad: his mistress, Darla. My brothers and I helped my mom perform a psuedosatanic ritual in which we cursed the dog that he would bite her children, poop on the furniture, and rip up the carpet. He came through for us, and they poisoned the dog soon thereafter. We miss you, Moofus!

Confession 9

My mother's mother's father's father founded the Denver branch of the KKK. And I'm descended from Nazis, as well.

Confession 8

I have shaved my chest. More than once.

Confession 7

I used to put peanut butter on a nine-vold battery and let my dog lick it off. You could tell when he got to the nodes because he'd go nuts. He was never the same after that, but man, did we ever laugh.

Confession 6

I own cds of the Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees. And I like them.

Confession 5

I once made a "Tickle me Hitler" doll. He still said "Elmo," but you could tell what it was.

Confession 4

I clip my fingernails compulsively, sometimes to the point where they start to bleed.

Confession 3

I never eat the last bite or drink the last swig of anything. I throw it away.

Confession 2

The sight of me naked once made a grown woman cry.

Confession 1

I'm totally afraid of spiders. Sometimes I have to get a girl to kill them for me, 'cause i'm just not going there.