Confession 145

I went streaking through the Kampground Of America Last Week.

Confession 144

When I was in high school, and beyond, I drew a comic strip entitled "The Adventures of Super Twinkie and the Masked Ding Dong." All the characters were some sort of food. Like when they had a Star Wars adventure, it was Fruit Piewalker, Bun Solo, Princess Mayo, Chewbroccoli, Darth Tater, etc.

Sample dialogue:

Bun Solo: I'm here to rescue you!
Pricess Mayo: Ack! Get out!
Bun Solo: Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't realize you were DRESSING! hehehe!
Princess Mayo: See, this is why they say the bun is the lowest form of humor.

So one day, I was in church.

The speaker was talking about WWII, and the Nazis. So in my head, I started picturing the Nazis as Knotzis, little pretzel men with helmets. Then they talked about the Jews, and I pictured little juice cartons with yarmulkes. This was going to make an excellent comic strip, I thought.

Here's why this is a confession: I was never able to explain to anyone why I laughed so long and loudly that I had to excuse myself from church when, shortly after the above events, the speaker made first mention of "concentration" camps.

Yeah, I know. I'm deranged.

Confession 143

Exactly a hundred posts ago, I shared the fact that there is a church whose sign I have vandalized on more than one occasion, and gave an example. I figured this would be a good time to share another clever little bit of malfeasance we performed on them.

The sign had a clever, if not smarmy slogan when I went by one day:

"FEELING FAR FROM GOD? WHO MOVED?"

It seriously took a lot of effort, because the sign was under a glass case, but eventually we managed to take letters from the back and place them on the front, so that it now read:

"FEELING FAR FROM GOD? WHO MOVED ALLAH?"

My guess is that the Baptist church upon which we inflicted this mischief didn't like it very much; the third time we came by they had put a padlock on the sign.

Confession 142

We were playing dodge ball in the church, and the other team employed a strategy in which they stopped throwing the balls back for a little bit so they could store them up and hit us with a whole barrage all at once. When they finally had them all on their side, we all ran toward the back wall to cower.

One girl from the opposing team, a little confused about her team's tactics and our sudden switch to defensive maneuvering, yelled out sassily,

"Hey Why are you guys all hiding against the back wall?"

To help her understand, I simply called back,

"Because we don't have any BALLS!"

The most embarrassing part about that was that most people didn't even realize the intended, innocent way that that could be taken.

Confession 141

I have run over my roommate Evan at least 6 times in my car, going at least 20 miles per hour. We're talking he flipped over the roof of the car and landed on the asphalt behind me.