Confession 100

I stayed the night at my friend Josh's house (I was 21 at the time). In the morning I helped his mom unload the groceries. Then I went to use the bathroom. After I did my business, I realized something horrible. I had just unloaded a whole case of toilet paper onto the kitchen table. And there was none in the bathroom. Josh's sister, Keri, had friends over in the front room watching a video. I looked frantically under the sink. There were some cotton balls, but that didn't work. I tore up the little brown cardboard tube from the center of the expended roll, but those things don't have much clinging action, and I found myself needing more wipage after the roll was used up. I was desperate now. I looked under the sink again, and pulled out something I'd never really seen before: a Maxipad. It was all glossy and plastic, so I ripped it open, figuring that would also double the surface area. I hadn't noticed that they were scented pads, so when I opened it, there was a big explosion of powdered perfumes that got all over my shirt. I realized that using the pad would only make a bigger mess, so I threw that into the garbage can. I was desperate. Finally, I noticed a few remaining items under the sink and hatched a plan. I grabbed a washcloth and used that for the dirty deed. Then I stopped up the bathtub, ran some hot water, added half a cup of bleach, and swished the cloth around in it for a little bit using the plunger. Then I just dropped the cloth into the laundry hamper, drained the tub, flushed, washed my hands very well, and left as though nothing had happened at all.