My senior year of high school, my friends and I decided to pull a really great prank on the school. We made dry ice bombs in 2-liter bottles with a serum we'd spent months perfecting. The stuff inside would evaporate as the bombs went off, leaving no evidence. On the last day of finals, my friend Tex put the bottles in various trash cans around campus. He had Band-aids on all of his fingertips to prevent prints. He was even talking to the principal when he dropped one in. We'd measured the amounts in the bottles so they'd go off at one-hour intervals. That day, a large explosion was heard across campus during each period. The bottoms blew out of some of the trashcans, leading authorities to believe that pipe bombs had been exploded underground, since they couldn't find any evidence of burns, and all that was in the trash cans was trash. The day of graduation, the whole quad was cordoned off and bulldozers were digging up the lawn to try to figure out what had happened. Estimated cost to the school district was in the thousands. Whoops.
p.s. I'm going away for the summer. I'm an efy counselor, if you can believe it. Anyway, I'll be back in August, but for now, I've gone ahead and posted a bunch of extra confessions for y'all. Enjoi!
Friday, June 03, 2005
Confession 114
I was homeless between sessions of efy last year, so I did what anybody would do: I slept in the park. And when it started to rain, I moved into the bus stop.
Confession 113
I'd always wanted to be making a funny face in a legal i.d. picture. The problem is, they don't let you. So I hatched an idea. What if they thought that was my normal face? Then they'd be too embarassed to say anything about it. So I went home to california to get an i.d., and I realized this was my chance. I messed up my hair that day and contorted my face and started talking to the guy behind the counter. Here I was at the age of 23, filing for my i.d., and not my license. He obviously thought I was "special needs." I gave him my Utah address, and I didn't know my zip code, so I put in all zeroes. I'm fairly confident this would never have worked if he hadn't figured me for a retard. As it was, he seemed to just be avoiding conflict. I got the picture taken all right, but the problem is, any time I have to use that i.d. and I want people to take it seriously, I find I have to be making that face (see Confession 112).
Confession 112
The lady who administered my driving test actually screamed during the test. I guess I took a left turn too quickly. I screamed, too, actually. She set down the clipboard until the car was stopped, and then said "Okay, I'm gonna pass you, but you really need to be careful about turning." She had been talking me through the whole process. "Okay, now up ahead is a stop sign. What do you do when you come to a stop sign?" or, "Let's go ahead and turn on the left blinker right about now." After the test, she went inside and told my mother, "Okay, I've passed him, but he still shouldn't be driving on his own for a while until he learns how to turn and brake better." Mom just nodded. See, I had kinda led the lady to believe that I was mentally handicapped. My California i.d. (see confession 113) and the fact that I was 23 and drove like a retard definitely helped. Thank goodness, too, or I never would have passed.
Confession 111
I crawled in the doggy door of a friend's house around Halloween. They had all these paper bats hanging from the ceiling. I toilet papered the whole front room with their own Costco case of toilet paper, connecting all those bats until you couldn't walk through there anymore.
Confession 110
My friends and I got a big, blue van with no windows. When we were bored, we would drive around town yelling, "Heeeey, get in the molester van!" Those who got in could be our friends after that. At least for the rest of the day.
Confession 108
I look Arabian, so sometimes I like to pretend to be so and walk up to strangers in large cities and ask, "You could be telling me which way is Statue of Liberty?" Sometimes people actually just point in some direction.
Confession 105
"No, I don't want any cake," said the boy in line in front of me at a ward function.
"Oh, I'll have his!" I said eagerly.
"Um, that's a girl," said the girl I had thought was the girlfriend of the girl I had thought was a boy.
"Oh... I know," I responded dumbly. I grabbed that cake and got outta there!
"Oh, I'll have his!" I said eagerly.
"Um, that's a girl," said the girl I had thought was the girlfriend of the girl I had thought was a boy.
"Oh... I know," I responded dumbly. I grabbed that cake and got outta there!
Confession 104
I was in a revolving door on a date with a girl named Jenn. By accident, I allowed the door to strike my heel, which stopped the rotation and made Jenn hit her head, which knocked her out, which meant I had to carry her the rest of the way out of the door.
Confession 103
I got locked out of my house one Sunday. A.A. Melyngoch and the other girls who dropped me off were watching to make sure I got in okay, so to kinda show off, I opened a window and jumped through. Unfortunately, the window fell back closed again as I jumped, and I ended up going right through the glass.
Confession 101
I got a misdemeanor charge Sunday night for giving a false i.d. to a cop after he caught us dressing up all the statues and fire hydrants on campus. Oh, well, it was worth it just to see old Karl Maeser in my efy counselor shirt and Brigham Young dressed up like a Hot Dog on a Stick employee.
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