Confession 122

I was at a lame loud party, so I called the cops on it (pretending to be a disgruntled neighbor) and we all had to go to Denny's.

Confession 121

Remember that brother we hung up in the tree at the cabin? Well, the next year we stuck the obsidian rock he had found into the fire. Then we fished it out with a stick and told him to come get it. It actually seared to his skin. He was screaming so wildly. Mom was PISSED.

Confession 120

I really wanted to go to Divine Comedy. But I had to work. I knew this a week ahead of time. I also knew nobody would work for me that night because it was going to be very busy. So I didn't even request it off. Instead, right before I went to work, I downed about a pound of gummi worms. Then I went to work in the kitchen. I never even said I was sick, because that would have been lying. Instead, I kept coughing into a paper towel and sniffling and washing my hands lots. When people asked me how I was doing, I'd just moan, "I'll be fine." After a while, I ran to the trash cans in the back and threw up all those gummi worms. One of the dishwashers saw me do it. I just went back to work. My manager, Nick, came up to me about twenty minutes later and asked if I had thrown up.

"Yeah, but I'm ok now. I don't think it'll happen again."

"Well, I think you should go home."

"But Nick, we're really busy, and there's nobody else to cover this shift!"

"Well, that's our problem. You go on home."

Divine Comedy was great that night.

Confession 119

I just woke up. Man, my sleep schedule is SO whack right now.

Confession 118

I went fishing with my friend Tex and three girls we called the Marsh Musicians because they claimed to be able to lure fish to us by singing in three-part harmony. Two of the girls and I slipped and fell in the mud and were VERY dirty. Tex wouldn't let us back into his car with our muddy clothes, so we ended up all in the car in our underwear with a towel up between us. My brothers were pretty confused when I ran into the house that morning in just my Scooby-Doo boxers and some mud.

Confession 117

Ok, I'm going to try to be more consistent with these now. Sorry about the lull. And efy was awesome, thanks!

Today's confession:

My friends and I invented a game when we were in high school. It's called the shopping cart game. The point is to try to get the largest or most expensive item you can into a stranger's shopping cart and then see if you can get them to purchase it. You can also get points for taking something OUT of a shopping cart and then getting the person to leave without it.

Points I've scored:

Got a lady with children to buy a large watermelon because she was too exasperated to do anything about it. Got diapers out of a cart. Got a lady to buy a bag of circus peanuts. Started a fight between an elderly couple who blamed each other for the spaghetti in their cart. Got a man to buy a box of tampons because he just wasn't paying attention.

I'm really good at this game, and it's scarier than you'd think.